Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Personal advice by Mickey Spillane.

I dreamed of a personal advice column by Mickey Spillane.

"Dear Mickey,

My husband won't help with the housework, what do I do?"

Dear houseworthless,

Wait until your worthless piece of shit husband is watching the 4rth quarter of an important game and then whack him to the side of the head with an iron frying pan.

Scream at him, 'Do the fuckin' dishes!'

That should take care of your problem, babe.



"Dear Mickey,

I'm being sexually harassed by a coworker, what should I do?"


Dear Her-ass,

Wear your most sexy dress and lure him to the balcony. Grab him by the balls and push him over the edge.

Be sure and hang onto the balls.

Capeesh?


"Dear Mickey,

My neighbor's dogs won't stop barking, what do I do?"


Dear barking-mad,

Knock on his door and when he answers, punch him in the nose.

Tie him to his lounge chair, and take away the dog food.

Lock the door behind you...



I could go on and on with this....I have weird dreams.

Anyone else want to contribute?

4 comments:

Duncan McGeary said...

I'd like to twitter connect this.

Anyone out there willing to do that for me?

Jack Elliott said...

Dunc -- you gotta gold mine there. Keep up the good work.

Sorry, can't help with the twatter thing.

Jack Goodman said...

This may be my favorite blog you have ever posted. I am literally laughing so hard right now.

H. Bruce Miller said...

That's some pretty funny shit there, Dunc.