Success as a de-motivator.

Sheesh.  Listen to me.  It's been all of two weeks.

I was driven by the idea of getting published.  If what I was writing needed to be better, then I would re-write it.  Or I would write something new.  And keep doing it, until something happened.

So the minute I sold my finished books, the air went out of me.  You'd think it would be the opposite.  You'd think I'd be so excited and pumped that I'd be inspired to write.

But my goal all along has been to prove to myself I could do it again, that someone would pay me and do all the things necessary to get the book published.  It didn't really matter how much I was paid, or how the books eventually sold, or how they were received.  Which I realize is probably kind of weird.

Of course that matters.  Now I've surmounted the one step, I see how important the next steps are.  I'm actually proud of myself of taking the time to polish the books before I handed them over to the publisher.  I'm pretty sure that 30 years ago, I probably would have handed them over as is.  After all, they had sold.

This publisher doesn't sell out of bookstores -- or go through book distributors.  He has his reasons, which seem like good ones.  I think he knows what he is doing.  (Basically, being published by one of the Big Five and/or being sold in the brick and mortar bookstores, is no guarantee of success -- and indeed, returns are probably a killer.  Better to concentrate on the online world, and the sub-culture of horror books through conventions and show.)  I get that, but I can't help but be a little disappointed.

Still, I think he'll do a good job.  He looks like he really wants to put out a nice package.  He has the established platform to get my books out in the world more than I ever could.

But I've been kind of laid back about writing over the last couple of weeks.  Like I said --- Sheesh.  Two weeks.  Like that is a long time.

So I'm sure it's just a little bit of relaxation before I start off again.  I have a clear path ahead of me -- getting the Lander books written.  Possibly a sequel to Led to the Slaughter.  And my fantasy books are there to be completed and rewritten.  

I'm part of the way there.  Now I just need to keep trying to write that "great" book.

It really doesn't de-motivate me when you get right down to it.  It's the sort of encouragement I really needed to keep trying.

But I'm way too relaxed in the short run...