Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A kingdom for a pencil.

Two sets of dreams, last night.

In the first, there is a very important vote, and I'm supposed to write six names on a piece of paper and put it in the ballot box.

Except every time I try to write, something goes wrong. The paper is two small, or it breaks up, or it's too dirty, the pencil breaks, the pens run out of ink, on and on.

And I'm also forgetting the names, and having to ask the other guys again and again for the names, and I memorize them, but when I try to vote the same things happen and I start forgetting......

The second dream is, I'm an intern for a very prestigious organization. It's starts off good, but then I start making mistake after mistake after mistake, and the other members are starting to draw away from me and I can tell the boss is ignoring me.

I finally realize, I don't have to stay in a doomed enterprise, and I leave.

I wake up and toss and turn for an hour. Apparently, my subconscious is not convinced of my competence. I call these "ostracism" dreams, and they are very common for me.

Thing is, I used to wake up from these dreams and think: why did I stay and take all that abuse? So me actually walking away from the bad scene is an improvement.

When I finally fall back to sleep, I have another dream where I'm telling the big boss from the above dream why I had messed up. I'm telling him how much better off I am when I'm doing things myself, instead of as part of a group. Everything is cool.

Reflecting back, I think these dreams came from the HOUSE episode last night, combined with watching THE SOURCECODE.

Don't know how it relates to my own life, except to reinforce my lone wolfishness.

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