Friday, April 1, 2011

Alternative interview.

The Bulletin is doing a story, which is supposed to run on Sunday, of the impact of e-books on bookstores.

I was probably surprisingly optimistic. For some reason, e-books don't worry me. I haven't felt their effect, nor do I think they'll affect me over the next couple of years...

But since you never know what a reporter might actually write, I went ahead and recorded the conversation, and I present it to you word for word, so you can compare it to the article....

(For this to work, you might want to read the answers in the blustery/panicked voice of Bill Paxton.)

Reporter: What do you think of e-books?

"I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art. You do NOT wanna fuck with me. Check it out!

Reporter: Do you know anyone who has an e-book?

"They're coming outta the walls. They're coming out of the goddamn walls Let's book!"

Reporter: Do you think e-books will affect your store?

"Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!"

Reporter: So are you going to keep your store going?

"Let's just bug out and call it even, OK? What are we talking about this for?"

Reporter: E-book sales increased by thousands of percent, and books have dropped....

"Well, that's just great, that's just fuckin' great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do? We're in some real pretty shit now, man."

Reporter: And the percentage of e-books sales just keeps growing.

"That's it, man, game over, man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?"

Reporter: Do you have a strategy for dealing with it?

"We're all gonna die, man."

Reporter: Don't you think you're over reacting?

"Oh dear Lord Jesus, this ain't happening, man. This can't be happening, man! This isn't happening!"

Reporter: Calm down.

"We're all gonna die man!"

Reporter: Get a hold of yourself. Do have any final observations?

"Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! I don't got all day! Come on! Come on you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Fuck you!"

Reporter: Hello? Hello? Are you still there?


Anonymous said...

What, is this an April Fool's joke or something? Pretty funny, Duncan.

Duncan McGeary said...

Well, the reporter might remember it slightly different. We'll find out on Sunday.

Rereading, I sound a little less calm that I thought...;)

Duncan McGeary said...

I remember Paxton having the line in Aliens of "Does the name Custer mean anything to you?"

But I couldn't find it...

Broofa said...

Bookstores are definitely going to take it in the shorts over the next ~10 years (that's been the time frame for MP3's to really hit the music industry hard.)

I think the more interesting question is what the impact on local libraries is going to be.