Monday, September 14, 2009

Eight Things That Would Improve on L.O.T.R's.

Great movies.

But....as I read in one review, there is about 10% too much cheese factor.

In twenty years, I figure they can go back and do a digital remake of Lord of the Rings. Keep most of what's there, but change a few things, and make additions.

Look, as long as it was nearly so faithful, it's too bad they didn't go all the way and film the whole book.

1.) Split the epic into four movies to accommodate the changes; Tolkien meant it to be one book, and the trilogy was a publisher decision in the first place.

2.) Add the Tom Bombadil and Barrow Downs parts, and finish with the Scouring of the Shire, and the proper end of Wormtongue and Saruman. You could also do the Caves sequence in the battle for Endor...I mean Elderas. That would make all the movies a new experience.

3.) Bring in music and poetry. Hey, everyone else would hate this, but this is my 'perfect' movie.

4.) Solidify the Army of the Dead. The green glowing flow was kinda disappointing. I would've loved an army of clanking skeletons. That would be Awesome.

5.) Tone down the elve/dwarve humor. Hey, I know he was trying to lighten the tone, but there was enough humor in the book. The body count was in the books, so I'd keep the "That still counts as One." But I'd lose the dwarve tossing.

6.) Shorten the goodbyes. Wow. I wanted the hobbits to just kiss and get a room, if you know what I mean.

7.) Amp up the whole Ringwraiths on Weathertop sequence. I wanted them to be more awesome looking. And have Frodo be the hero he was in the book, charging the Ringwraiths instead of cowering on the ground.

8.) Changes I would keep. The way Jackson telescoped the whole Ringwraith chase. The way he telescoped what was always the hardest part of the book, the Trudging through Mordor. (And while you're at it, add the line about how being caught up in the orc troop, got them closer to their goal.)

Everything else? Leave it be.

There was one plot element that really leaped out at me this viewing. How did Shelob's stinger get through Frodo's Mithril?

4 comments:

blackdog said...

Speaking of cheese factors: Last night I watched the movie "300," which has a great story line and wonderful cinematography and special effects, but is nearly ruined by the cheese factor -- especially the cheesy, cliche-ridden dialogue and voiceover narrration. The movie is based (as I'm sure you know) on a graphic novel, and that's the problem that keeps me from reading more graphic novels: The writing often is overdone and just plain awful.

LOTR, for the most part, lacks this sort of dreck, in both the book and the movies.

Gotta agree, though, that the jokes about dwarf-tossing should go. They're outdated now anyway.

Duncan McGeary said...

"....that's the problem that keeps me from reading more graphic novels: The writing often is overdone and just plain awful."

Well, you're just wrong and you're speaking from ignorance of the artform.

But nothing I could say would change your mind.

So a sucky movie made from a book must mean all book suck?

blackdog said...

"So a sucky movie made from a book must mean all book suck?"

First off, I didn't say "300" sucks -- I find it very entertaining and artistic on the visual level, despite the terrible dialogue and narration. (As a rule I dislike voiceover narrative in any kind of movie -- it's kind of a copout. The screenwriters and directors should know how to tell a story and elucidate motives, etc. through images and the words of the characters. The only movie I can think of where it worked well was "A River Runs Through It" -- probably because Norman Maclean's writing is so spare and beautifully crafted.)

And I didn't say all graphic novels suck -- just that the writing (not the plot lines, but the exposition, description and dialogue) in most cases is mediocre.

I'm not into graphic novels but my daughter is, and she's loaned me a couple that she insisted I should read. I've never been able to finish one.

I've read LOTR about half a dozen times, though. The difference: Tolkien was a professional writer and knew how to tell a story without benefit of pictures.

"But nothing I could say would change your mind."

And nothing I could say would change yours, because you're a fan of the genre. ("Fan" being, as we know, short for "fanatic.")

blackdog said...

Proposition: Recommend a graphic novel you think is really outstanding and I'll buy it from you and read it. What the hell, at least you'll make a sale.