One thing I've noticed when we have a tragedy involving young people, you'd better not say anything critical on the KTVZ site.
"It's an accident!" you'll get screamed down. "Let the family grieve in peace!"
The implication is, an "accident" means it's no ones fault. Also that you are casting aspersions on the victim's character. (When it's often obvious from the mourning that they were outstanding young people.)
I understand not wanting to find fault so soon after the tragedy. I understand that the family is hurting.
Then again, after the incident is when people are paying attention. Rather than say, "accidents" happen, we should be saying "mistakes" happen, and they don't mean the person making the mistake is a horrible person. But that the mistake shouldn't be repeated, if possible.
And I am very, very sorry for your loss.
Anyway, I saw a documentary years back where they had put cameras in 16 year old girls' cars, and just let it roll. It showed them nearly clipping pedestrians and running red lights and going the wrong way, all the while chattering cheerfully to their friends.
It was terrifying. Their tiny attention span, their lack of concern, the sheer exuberance and craziness of their behavior. The documentary made the case that it was hormonal, that it was where their immature brains were at. A couple of years later, and the same girls were fine.
The footage was terrifying enough that when they showed the same girls the footage a few years later when they were college age, they were mortified.
(This isn't even counting the added danger of alcohol.)
This latest accident sounds like it might have involved excessive speed, and most certainly involved dangerous conditions, and it might be a time to turn to young people and say, "When the conditions are dangerous, you need to slow down."
Anyway, that horse (letting 16 year olds drive) is out of the barn and halfway down the road, and not all 16 years are that way. I'm actually impressed they've managed to put some restrictions on them, at all.
I guess as a parent you hope they'll show good judgement, and cross your fingers.
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It's a matter of taste, sensitivity and timing. One person's 'grab a teachable moment when you can" is another's "kick a grieving family/friends when they are down" and others who say "we all know teens need to slow down, obey the rules etc. - why bring THAT up HERE and NOW?" Just sayin...
Because bringing up in six months it will go in one ear and out the other?
You certainly aren't in a position to editorialize...
But the -- it just happened -- seems to me to be wrong. It wasn't a bolt of lightning.
I think an unwritten rule is that everyone gets to be a good guy on the day they die. Judge them after the funeral.
I am reminded of a time in high school when some teenage girls were killed drinking and driving. They were pretty and very popular girls from prominant families.It was a horrible accident. The car was a shredded, twisted mess. Blood was everywhere inside of it.
How do I know? Because the next day that car was sitting next to the high school and many of us walked by to view it out of morbid curiosity. The lesson it taught sunk in. Especially when the bumper sticker said "Don't drink and drive. You may hit a bump and spill your drink." Seriously.
So while one can grieve and feel bad for the family, you can also rightfully say to kids...please pay attention and don't let it happen to you. Drive carefully. Mind the road and watch your speed. And the time to say those things IS when the wounds are fresh. That is when it sinks in the most.
Does anyone ever tell kids that driving, especially in winter, is a life-threatening endeavor?
BTW, does the law allow a 16 yr old to drive with a passenger who isn't an adult?
National Geographic piece on teen brains:
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text
Posits that not only are teen brains "different" but that some of the most aggravating traits of teens are beneficial in an evolutionary sense.
It's a dangerous time of life for a lot of reasons. Young men are risk-takers well past adolescence. I know I was a goddamn menace until I was about 27 and started to gain and show a little sense about my own personal safety.
One of the reasons that adolescence is fraught with dangers is that learning from the example of others is not something teens do well.
Jim
@Barney I think it's extreme to say that commenting on the tragedy is similar to "kicking the family when they're down." I call bullshit. Everyone is responsible for the reactions, and just because someone makes a plausible and considered comment doesn't mean it's okay to stick your fingers in your ears and do a Stephen Colbert.
The kind of pressure Barney is under over there, he really can't say anything, much.
I don't think kids should be allowed to drive until they're 18. But they'll say they have to drive so they can get to their jobs, which they need to have so they can pay for their cars. And so it goes.
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