Thursday, April 30, 2009

Fortunately.

Just found out that downtown Bend is losing it's full time police patrol. To which I have one response:

We had a police patrol?

Boy, I tell you, with all those panhandlers and skateboarders and graphitti, it's the Wild West down there. It's enough to give me boils.

Fortunately, I know this young doctor who works out of his home really cheap. I was on my way, trying to get a hold of him on my cell phone, (he wasn't answering, for some reason) when -- O.K., I admit it I took my eyes off the road for a minute.

Slammed into the back of the KTVZ van. Why were they sitting in the middle of the road, dammit! What were they doing, taking pictures? Just what I need. Publicity.

After I was released from the hospital, (they held me for observation -- they wanted to observe whether I actually had any money and made me sign my house and car over to them if I didn't pay.)

Fortunately, I have credit cards. Sure, they have instituted new terms -- if I take out card from my wallet and look at it, they charge me a fee. If I actually touch the card, they charge me another fee. Actually using the card will mean automatic deposit of my paycheck into their account.

Fortunately, I read the fine print and avoided the "Your First Child Belongs to Us," clause. They wanted a pound of flesh, but fortunately were willing to accept a couple pints of blood.

Well, they can have my car, since it was totaled.

Fortunately, since I'm without transportation for awhile, they have decided to keep the bus system running for the weekends. Apparently, they found out if they sell all the seats in the bus, they can keep them running. Very smart. I've heard the next step is to fire all the drivers and have a volunteer driver from the passengers....which ought to work since it will be the only seat on the bus.

I'd be really depressed, but:

Fortunately, I picked up the paper and read these reassuring headlines: "...worst could be behind us...."

One of our biggest real employers is leaving down, but "officials" say "they'll" survive Cessna's departure. I'm glad "they'll" survive, and I do hope that the officials continue to survive. Can't do without them "officials".

I suppose if everything goes wrong, I'll just go and get another degree. I figure by the time I pay back my student loan, I'll be dead.

Fortunately, 550 people showed up to try to save the local OSU campus. You got to figure -- you know, at least about 10 of them actually go to school up there. Still, lots of people like the 'idea' of a four year college, and that's what counts right?

Fortunately, there is the beautiful spring weather.

NOTE*****

If you aren't reading the local paper the Bulletin everyday, the above post might not make much sense....suffice to say, I did not actually have an accident with the KTVZ van....

8 comments:

tim said...

Bulletin coverage of Cessna has left me speechless. Just don't know what to say about those writers & editors. Astounding.

Quimby said...

Tim, can you come up with the headline the Bully would have used if it was announced that Cessna shuttering the KS operation and relocating to Bend?

tim said...

>>Tim, can you come up with the headline the Bully would have used if it was announced that Cessna shuttering the KS operation and relocating to Bend

Haha. No. But they would have laminated the entire print run.

Duncan McGeary said...

"Airport officials faith in expansion vindicated."

Quimby said...

Right Dunc....build it and they will come.

What is it in our "crowd" or our "types" which cries for justice in these headlines? Is it that we are skeptics and see through BS most others gobble up? We're actually a pretty diverse bunch...but what is the common thread?

I'm not into grave dancing yet I feel the Bull can't have it both ways with its candy-assed reporting & headlining.

blackdog said...

"Fortunately, there is the beautiful spring weather."

Ah yes, aren't we truly blessed to be living here in "paradise."

And maybe this is just my jaundiced view, but it seems like the winter drags on longer and longer every year.

blackdog said...

"We're actually a pretty diverse bunch...but what is the common thread?"

The ability to see things as they are instead of the way we would like them to be, maybe?

I have never been the type who, when somebody hands him shit on a cracker, is able to convince himself it's caviar. In a way I envy those who can, but I simply can't.

Randy said...

Clever, well-written blog entry! I've read your blog for more than a year, and this was particularly well done.
Homeland humor - hard to beat when done well. This is to be differentiated from Homeland security - which is apparently easy to beat, as proven by a 13 YO with autism this week.