Changing the 1st person chapters to 3rd person has confirmed one thing to me.
I probably need Tuskers edited.
If nothing else, having an editor forces me to take the time and the energy to look at the manuscript longer, which it probably needs.
It holds my feet to the fire.
I just need to keep reminding myself to do one thing at a time, one after the other. I've done a lot, and I have a lot unfinished, and the only way to continue is one step at a time.
With all of this, I come back to asking myself -- does it matter? What if I didn't know? What if I was just writing my stuff and putting it out and I didn't know what was happening? Would it matter? Am I doing it for reputation, for ego, for praise, for money?
What if none of those things were forthcoming in any way?
What if, I just concentrated on the art of it?
Basically, I do understand this isn't going to work.
But I feel compelled to write anyway.
This isn't really like the store. I always thought the store would work if I did it right. But I didn't necessarily feel compelled. So while there are many similarities, the final result just isn't the same.
Writing in the end is a lonely activity, done alone, without feedback or results. You do it anyway.
The store shows results from the efforts. Which I suppose is why I went there.
I feel compelled to write. I enjoy doing it.
One thing I've noticed from professional writers my age is that they tend to be slightly jaded and cynical about the whole thing. You get the impression that they'd just as soon do something else.
I think writing is a hard way to make a living. I'm probably lucky that I didn't spend the last 30 years writing only to be soured on it. Instead, I made a living doing something else, and have come back to writing full of enthusiasm. I don't need to make a living at it. I can do it for fun.
Whenever I encounter difficulties, I tend just to put on my blinders and go forward. Doesn't always work. But I'm not really aware if it's working or not. I just do it.
3 days ago