Writing as a kid or an adult.

I can imagine a lifestyle where I just start writing stories, filling my computer with dozens of books and hundreds of shorter efforts, doing it just for my own enjoyment.  Never show them to anyone else.  There is no end to the words that are whirling through my head.

I like writing.  I like seeing what my subconscious comes up with.  I get a euphoria when the pieces come together, and another jolt when I finish.  It is very satisfying all by itself.

Apparently, I like telling stories to myself.

In a way, I did the above for about a year, and was incredibly productive. I was conscious that I would want to try to publish these books eventually, so there was always a part of me that was revising and editing.  But mostly, I was just enjoying the writing itself.

That all changed after a year when I start to show and submit my writing to other people.  To get editors, to try to find cover artists, to embark on rewrites, to format the books properly for online, and ultimately to try to find an publisher.

I like the writing.  I don't like just about any other aspect of the process.  I don't enjoy rewriting, I don't like the waiting, I don't like having to depend on other people, I don't like the idea that without promotion no one will ever read my efforts.

If that's true, why even bother?  Why not just write for the enjoyment?
I'm trying hard not to let the process bog me down.

When I set out to write a book, I still try to put myself in that original pure creative state -- at least for as long as the first draft is being written.

I have to admit, there is joy in  holding a book I wrote in my hands, there is fun in seeing what artists come up with for covers, and I like see the end results of editing and rewriting. But it is frustrating getting there.

Basically it's the difference between being a kid and being an adult.

I like being a kid.