Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Impulsive is bad in a good way.

My Dad used to say,  "Do something, even if it's wrong."  Which I always understood in an intuitive sense, if not a rational sense.

At the same time, I love my routines.  I was telling Linda the other night that she goes to bed at radically different times, anywhere from 9:00 to 1:00.

"I like to do things differently, even if they are little things."

Me?  I'm the opposite.  Everything the same, all the time, as much as possible.  My theory is life will throw you enough changes, even when you don't want them.  I don't need to add to them. 

Anyway, it doesn't make me exactly spontaneous.

Sometimes, though, I do get impulsive.  Often it's because I'm out of whack for some reason; sick, sleepy, tired, drunk, whatever.

So I'll so something that I ordinarily wouldn't do.  This often has some beneficial results -- and occasionally disastrous results.

I woke up from a bad dream early yesterday morning and had an idea.  I got up went to my computer and did it.  It seemed like a really good idea at the time.

By evening I was regretting it.  For one, I did it badly -- I didn't think it through enough, and then I looked like a ninny going back and changing it several times.  For another thing, as the hours passed it seemed more and more cynical and crass.  What had seemed a brilliant idea of cooperation and mutual benefit, now seemed like a craven attempt at bribery.

Here's the thing.  It could still turn out to be a good thing.  It was a different approach.  My old approach wasn't working.  The worse that can happen is nothing and I was already getting a whole lot of nothing.

If I had put it off, I probably wouldn't have done it.  If I had thought about it longer and tried to get the whole proposal right -- more thought out -- I probably wouldn't have done it.

Sometimes I just have to do something badly impulsive to do anything at all.

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