Improvement that can't be seen.

I've been trying to take responsibility for not being good enough.  The only answer to that problem is to get better.

Am I getting better?

I can't prove it, but I'm pretty certain I am.  As I've been saying, I'm getting more proficient.  I'm planning my plots a little better.  I seem to be lining up scenes better.

Most importantly, I've broken down my resistance to re-writing.

But in spite of all this, it may not matter.  I'm looking at most likely doing this for a long time without much recognition.

So bottom-line, the question is, am I OK with that?

Ego wise, I've been both accepting the verdict and rationalizing it.  So that process is well underway.  I can still hope for the best.

The doubt about whether I should be spending so much time and money on it?  Just taking a two or three week break from writing answers that -- I waste that time anyway, I don't use it any better.  So I may as well use that time for my creative pursuits.

This really is a lot like when I'm trying to make changes and improvements at the store.  There is a long planning stage, a long preparations stage, a long installation stage.  During most of this time, it's a drag on earnings.  It doesn't seem like it is having any effect.  Even after it's done, it often takes time for the customers to respond.

But I always have a sense of where I am in the process, a faith that I am improving things, and even if other people can't see it, it will eventually have an effect.  And it almost always does.  There are the occasional flops, but most often what I think will be an improvement is a real improvement.

Most of this improvement, for most of the time it is being accomplished,  is under the surface, and isn't readily apparent.

If I improve each stage of my writing, then ultimately all those stages will come together to produce a good book.  I have to have faith in that.  I'm certainly being diligent about the process.  And again, my experience in business is that if I'm diligent and persistent for long enough, it will eventually pay off.