I wake up Sunday mornings, pour myself a cup of coffee, and get the paper off the porch.
After shedding it's fat suit (the ad sections) the paper is much slimmer, but still slightly bigger than the daily.
And then I peruse.
Today, I discover that the Bulletin has the answer to our economic problems.
BUILD MORE WALMART'S!!
But of course! That would solve everything. More minimum wage retail jobs, a huge cavernous building, and lots and lots of cheap stuff.
Why didn't I think of that?
Oh, and traffic on the North of town to die for....literally.
There you go, folks. The answer to not enough retail sales is to build the biggest retail store you possibly can.
Really, why do we even put up with all these little stores? Walmart is so much cheaper. Downtown shops are really a waste of space. Plunk one big Walmart down there, and the problem is solved.
Think of the efficiencies. We wouldn't need a national health care plan, because we could all get Walmart's --no doubt -- generous health and retirement plans. Wages would be standardized: the Walmart wage.
Maybe Walmart could build us some cheap houses, while they're at it.
And surely, they could run a system of buses around town to make sure their employees --er, associates -- make it to work on time.
The government would only have to worry about collecting taxes from one store, and best of all, our product could all be Chinese made, thus ensuring that everyone gets access to the exact same cheap product.
This is Utopia, folks. The wide aisles, the Christmas muzak, my, god! Greeters at the door!
I think the Bulletin has hit on something, here. It's a Walmart world, and we all just live in it.
1 week ago