Saturday, June 30, 2012

My Handicapping Method of Movie Going.

Was getting ready to leave the store yesterday: "When I've done this, I'm finished."

"What you should do when you say that," Cameron says, "Is say it in Daniel Day Lewis's voice; 'I'm finished.'

"I've never seen THERE WILL BE BLOOD," I said, instinctively realizing that was what he was referring to.


Anyway, I started to explain my Handicapping Method of Movie Going.

You take the baseline Rotten Tomatoes score: 60% positive, makes it a fresh movie.

O.K. Bear with me.

You automatically add 10 points for any horror, science fiction and fantasy movie.

+10 points for action movies.

+10 points for any End of World and/or zombie, vampire, werewolf or other supernatural critters.

So, for instance, Linda and I had just come back from ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER.

Original Rotten Tomatoes score: 35.

So we add +10 points for horror, and +10 points for vampires. That get's us to 55. So we add, say, another +10 for any movie with Lincoln in it, and there we are! (So, I made the Lincoln addition at the last moment, but it's MY handicap.)

Meanwhile, I didn't have to dock -10 points because it was Campy. I hate campy when it comes to most S.F. movies, and dislike it in horror.

-10 for drama.

-10 for romantic comedy.

-10 for sappy.

"Wait a minute," Cameron says. "That means you're saying that any drama is automatically 20 points worse than any horror movie, no matter how bad! There are a lot of bad vampire movies!"

"Yes, but we work from the baseline of the original Rotten Tomatoes score, remember."

"Still, not watching a movie like THERE WILL BE BLOOD is crazy."

"Well, I should have seen that movie, no excuses, it actually fit well into my handicapping # even with the automatic -10. can also add and subtract points for actors, for instance:

Daniel Day Lewis. +10.

Sean Connery. +10

Tom Cruise. -10.

and so on."

Cameron looks skeptical, so I go for the kill. "You could add +10 points for Bruce Campbell, for instance."

"Oh, he's a +30!"

"See! It works for you!"

Anyway, I haven't worked out all the kinks. I know there is a movie coming up that I'm pretty sure I'm going to see, the Abraham Lincoln biopic. It's loaded with points.

Daniel Day Lewis +10.

Steven Spielberg +10.

Abraham Lincoln +10.

Vampires +10.

....well, it's part of the historical record, right?

1 comment:

H. Bruce Miller said...

Uhhh ... I don't think the Lincoln movie with Daniel Day Lewis is the one with vampires.