Writing after an attack.

I mentioned I would address my writing in light of my heart attack later.

Here it is.

Surprisingly, it seems to have reduced my urgency, instead of increasing it.

If you had asked me in advance, I would have assumed that I would be in a hurry to finish everything I've started, but when I was riding in the helicopter, taking stock of my life, I realized that I'd already done what I set out to do.

I have 23 books up for sale right now. All of them as good as I could make them. I've finished 10 or 12 others. (Is it bad when you lose count?)

Before I started writing again 7 years ago, I had assumed that if I ever got a dire diagnosis that I'd be compelled to finish a book. At least one.

So by the time it actually happened, I was way beyond that.

That helicopter ride was memorable, probably because it was the only half hour of time when I didn't have nurses and doctors scurrying about asking me questions, pulling of my clothes, sticking needles in me, that kind of thing.

For a couple weeks after, I was amazed by how calm I was about the whole thing. Then it struck me--I was doped up! Of course I was calm!

But that's not it. I think even intellectually I was content. I'd had a good run, and the bad stuff? That shit happens and is gone.

That's exactly how I thought it: "I've had a good run, and the bad stuff? That shit happens and is gone."

Anyway, I'm back to writing, and sure I'd like to finish all the projects I started, but I don't feel a super urgency about it. If anything, I want it to "feel" right, instead of have artificially imposed deadlines. Although, artificially imposed deadlines are how I got so much done.

So this whole writing thing will probably be slower, but hopefully feel more natural from now on.