Trying to talk myself into not talking myself out it.

I've walked every day for 20 days now. I'm trying to keep that streak alive. One hour, 3 and 3/4th miles. Which means, in 3 months I will have walked the equivalent of to Portland and back. 😇

I'm a little perturbed that such diligence didn't forestall my heart attack. In fact, a couple of weeks before I had the actual attack, I had some heavy symptoms on a walk. Now at least I'd recognize the signs...and I carry a tiny water-proof jar of nitro in my pocket for just such a thing.

But nowadays I'm walking as much for mental health as for physical health.

Plus, if I can ever get back into regular writing, it's always been helpful.

The heart attack inspired me to get things in order. New glasses, dental, new clothes, updating legal papers with lawyers, that kind of thing.  Very time consuming, along with the doctor visits. Pretty much a couple times a week, which makes it hard to write. We're helping Linda's brother out with his house, and that's been complicated. With Panga gone, we plan on traveling more and have already had a couple of trips.

So writing isn't the number one thing now. It's still a good number two, though.

I'm also consciously trying to get out into the world more. I seem to be fitting in with people much more than I used to. I've been accepted somehow by the old people crowd. Heh.

What nobody who hasn't had a real phobia doesn't understand is how miraculous a simple little thing like sitting in a restaurant and being comfortable is. Just relaxing around other people--strangers. A little thing that no one even thinks twice about.

Sometimes I need a little pill, a low dosage, and of course, having Linda with me, but really, it's become a new thing for me. A 66 year old guy who only now is comfortable shopping, eating, walking in public.

It's a true joy.

I'm also trying to get a little more comfortable spending money. You have to understand--I NEVER spend money. I wear clothes till they fall off me. I have one pair of good shoes. The last time I really bought something for myself was a big TV ten years ago, which was malfunctioning.

We're all right, as long as we live modestly. But I'm always putting everything off into the future, like a good McGeary. As they say, life is what happens when you're making plans.

I have a whole pile of marshmallows in front of me, if you catch my drift. It's time to eat a few.

I'm even allowing myself to buy the occasional meal and/or gifty knick-knackity thing. I mean, it's a struggle, and I have constantly talk myself out of not talking myself out of it.

I feel more relaxed, frankly. So the heart attack actually had a beneficial effect, in a weird way.

I was going to cash in my life insurance when it became vested in a couple of years. but I've decided to keep that going.

I'm holding off until 70 for SS, but only because I'm getting half of Linda's SS in the meantime, and I'd like to leave her with a higher SS if anything happens. (Mine is a good third more than hers.)

Anyway, I'm trying to live in the moment a little more. Trying to relax.