Sunday, November 4, 2007

Pictures in the Sunday Bulletin say it all.

First that oh, so attractive picture of big box stores on the Redmond story. Wow. Looks pretty much like retail hell. Dull, colorless, square.

Then the picture of Juniper Ridge. What a pipe dream.

Have I told you my 15 year plan for Pegasus?

First I'm going to buy up the complete block of Minnesota between Wall and Bond. I'm going to tear down the buildings, and erect a four story store that will be designed by world class architects. First floor will be books, second story comics, third story games and fourth story will be toys and cards. I intend to have a garden restaurant on the roof, as well as a rooftop condo for me.

I thought that I would solve the pesky parking problem by excavating a basement parking garage that would be reserved for my customers, as well as a monorail that runs from Drake Park to my rooftop.

Stage Two. Buy the other side of Minnesota and have walkways built across to the newer building. Here I would house my new publisher industry. I'd talk Mike Richardson into moving his entire Dark Horse operation in Portland back to Bend. We would have tours showing all the great original art created by the Pegasus studios. I would also have my corporate headquarters on the top floor.

Of course, I would have retail customers flying into Bend from all over the world. Micheal Powell would be coming by every month or so, asking for advice, but I'd tell him to get lost.

I also thought about diverting the Deschutes River so that I have riverfront property. I have a guy who will loan me all the money I need in exchange for 20%, all I have to do is come up with 2.5 million dollars to pay him. He's from Nigeria I think. Or was it California? He knows people.

All this is on hold, for the moment. I'm thinking of asking the government for a loan.

I'm sure all this will happen. It's such a glorious vision of the future. I've had a few naysayers, but they're just short-sighted twits.

Pretty cool, huh?


Duncan McGeary said...

Dark Horse Comics wants free rent for the first five years, but I figure when everyone sees them there, they'll want in. Marvel, DC, Image....I may have to pick one of them.

Bend Economy Man said...

Hilarious post.

But what's not funny, or at least not ha-ha funny, is how the talk on this Juniper Ridge project becomes more and more strident the more it becomes clear that the LAST thing Bend needs right now is another huge real estate project.

It's fitting, and sad, that this town full of people who, against all reason, took out huge mortgages with visions in their heads of nothing but sunny skies, tanned Caucasian faces, endless home appreciation and unlikely golf-and-wine lifestyles forever, when we're given (literally - $1 - a gift) something of value to provide industry for our future, the first thing we do is mortgage it away to pay some traveling horse whisperers for some stupid drawings of a manmade lake and a gleaming utopian fantasy.

The timing could NOT be worse.

BilboBend said...

Duncan For Mayor,
The Last Visionary in Bend