In and Out of the Garbage Can.

During my years of therapy, 1972-74, and for a short time in 1977, I was given two different books by two different shrinks.

I've talked about the second book before; Reality Therapy, by William Glasser, which I was given toward the end of my depression, and which had a gratifyingly dramatic effect. One of those rare occasions when a psychology book actually made a difference.

The book's message of taking responsibility for one's own actions, that taking a moral and ethical stance in one's decisions affects one's self-esteem, and that making good decisions, and experiencing success, is the path to recovery. And having someone you love and who loves you makes you whole. I bought into the whole message of the book, and I think it worked for me.

The first book I was given, by my first shrink in 1972 here in Bend, I'd almost forgotten about. In and Out of the Garbage Can, an autobiography by Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt therapy.

A daring book to give a young burned-out hippy. I remember the hippy-dippy psychedelic swirl on the cover, and though it certainly didn't have the immediate impact of the Glasser book, I have come to appreciate that I did in fact internalize much of the gestalt message.

"Gestalt therapy aims to bring a person's whole existence, mental, emotional, physical, into therapy, and promotes unity of the self in the world. This is achieved through a focus on the present moment and an awareness of current physical and emotional states." Introduction to Gestalt Therapy, Helium.

I always joke that I avoided a mid-life crisis because most all the personal and family issues that might have arisen were more or less dealt with in my 20's. I started paying a lot of attention to my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual states; and how they blended together and what it all meant and who I was and where I was going and --I know this -- I bored the hell out of friends and family with my constant monitoring and questioning of my inner life.

But it was all very gestalt.

The reason I bring this up now, is that I'm dealing with a big enough change in my life that I'm hearkening back to the gestalt message. Our recent windfall has really thrown me off balance.

I had a self image and an approach to life that I liked and which was working for me.

In some ways, this windfall probably only brings us up the actual level of what probably most people thought we were at. It doesn't really change our day to day working life. But it does mean that we aren't on the edge anymore and it means we can have a real retirement at some point. Linda didn't want me to talk about it at all; she doesn't want people to think of us differently. I told her, we aren't that important, and that we are only now really getting to a point in our finances that I suspect most people thought we were already at. That is seems like a lot to us, but everyone I've questioned (a few family and friends) weren't all that impressed.

Still, it really threw me for the first couple of weeks. I was really floundering.

For instance, my image in this blog, is as a scrappy survivor in downtown Bend. A guy who is happy in his job, even though it doesn't pay much.

My first impulse was the draw a firewall between this new resources and my business. To keep them completely separate. But this has proven to be impossible. For all the above reasons; emotional (my urges and fears), physical (ability to take time off), mental (what do I do now?), and even spiritual (I've always been very tight on charity.) It was unrealistic to think I could keep everything separate.

Which brings me back to gestalt. I'm currently going with the flow, trying to figure it all out, how it affects all the different portions of my life. It's not a process I can rush. But it is a process I can consciously monitor, and guide, and try my best to come to the best place.

My business is part of that gestalt whole.

This BLOG is a part of that gestalt whole.