Being grateful.

I'm 61 years old today.  No longer "middle aged".

Too much trouble and confusion to change the title of my blog, which has now been going for almost a full 7 years.  Haven't missed a day yet.

My sister Susie called last night, and we talked about my writing a little (a very nice birthday present to let me ramble about my writing) and she asked how it felt to be writing again after 25 years of not writing.

Got me to thinking -- how grateful I am that I did pick up the writing, and that I produced something, and that some of what I produced I think is pretty good.

I recently rewrote Led to the Slaughter, adding historical detail and rearranging the first 30 pages to make it start faster.  I also had it re-edited.  My overall opinion is that this is a worthy book.  Even a good book.  I like it.  I can't think of where I would change it.

This is unusual.  I normally have a sneaking suspicion that I need to do more work on a book.  I have the suspicion that Faerylander, for instance, the book I've worked on for almost 3 years now, still isn't ready.

So I'm  grateful that when I decided to write that the writing came, and that it came out pretty well.  I like the Vampire Evolution Trilogy, too.  I like the characters and the settings and the writing.  Maybe not too many other people do, but how many times in my life have I had to depend on my own judgement -- pretty much everything?

However -- Led to the Slaughter has been pretty much rejected.  For the last six weeks I've been dwelling on the fallout of that rejection, and feeling pretty dejected and dispirited.

Then yesterday I did this thing -- something I've done in the past with unpleasant things -- I just put it aside, compartmentalized it, and decided to quit thinking or worrying about it.  That actually seems to work for me, though it's a process I have to got through to get there.  But once there, I'm able to just kind of set a wall between my everyday going forward and the implications of whatever problem it is that I'm setting aside.

I'm incredibly grateful for Linda, who is a huge support.  And I'm grateful that the store is doing well, after so many years.  Most of those years were a struggle -- so much so, I couldn't write.  But now the store seems to have reached a level where it is sustaining itself.  I love having the store and working it, and it gives me a break from being a mono-maniacal writer.

So I don't usually get sappy -- "grateful" -- but I am.

I'm grateful to be writing, earning a living my own way, and having a fantastic wife. (Among other things.)  The things I'm not grateful about? -- they're over there somewhere...