Outside leaking in.

I've been feeling overly exposed to the internet, to my need to talk about my books, and so on.  I wrote this yesterday morning when I woke up:

"It was as if he'd been closed in a house, curtains closed, machines off.  Someone came along and opened the windows and turned on the T.V. and the laptop.  Nothing had changed really, except the nagging feeling that the outside world was leaking in.

The more the outside world intruded, the more he retreated inside himself.  There was a barrier, a barrier that could not be crossed --  the sense he had of himself began to melt, as if exposed to acid rain."

I need to scale it back, get centered again.  Not check the internet so often.  Maybe once in the morning and once at night, something like that.  Also, not care.

I need to get self-contained again.

As far as success and failure is concerned,  it ain't over until it's over.  It may be somewhat naive of me, but really, I've always had some measure of success when I apply myself.

If I work hard at something and I gauge it to be good, most often there is a response.  In fact, I'm having a hard time thinking of a time when that hasn't worked out.

So I'm going forward with the assumption that if I work hard, do a good job, that eventually something will happen.

Hard work, skill and perseverance.

If nothing else, they are their own rewards. Or they may lead to unintended benefits.  But in the end, it is the only way forward.

For it to work, though, it needs to be from the inside-out -- that's the way I've always approached things.  Outside-in efforts never quite work out.  I'm better off listening to my own needs and instincts and at just constantly applying myself to the task at hand.

Maybe the word I'm looking for is -- stubborn. 

This is a paper and pencil effort in some ways.  Candle lit cabin in the woods.  That kind of thing.  Closing the curtains and turning off the machines so I'm alone in my own head with my own thoughts and my own story.

There is no audience -- for now -- there is only me.