I can't tell.

Here's the truth of it.  I can't tell if I'm any good or not.  I can't tell if I'm getting any better or not.   I can't tell if a story is working or not.

I just keep writing away.  It does seem like I'm getting better, but I can't tell.  It's getting both easier and harder.  I don't sweat the small stuff as much, and I sweat the big stuff more.

The irony is, the more I write, the less I can tell.  It's all one big canvass now.  I just keep writing on it.

I'm stuck in rewrite land, but even there I'm doing some creating.  I'm making improvements, I'm pretty sure.  It isn't like when I used to wonder if what I was doing is actually helping or hurting.   I'm presuming that it's helping -- to the point that I'm simply changing things to the latest version.  Unless I feel like I've gone completely off track.

Sometimes a Dragon is a good example.  When I finished it, I thought it was pretty good.  No, better than that.  Then I realized it might have some structural problems -- too constipated at the beginning, too light and sappy in the middle.  I realized the 'style' might be a problem.

But I still had very fond memories of it.

So in the rewrite, I have found all the above problems.  But worse, the story didn't work by my own standards.  That is, even I was off put by the distancing style, even I was lost in the muddle of the plot, even I was overwhelmed by the sappiness of the love story.

So how can I trust myself?  Here again, I think it's good. But what if I've merely changed it?

Time and distance is the only real solution.  Maybe because I've written so much, I can actually use this to my advantage.  Keep writing, and at some point I can go back and check what I've written.

I'd like to believe that I can "fix" all these stories, make them good.

But I don't want to spend all my time on old stories, instead of new.

So I'm going to get Sometimes a Dragon in digital form, as good as I can currently make it, and then I think I need to get on to something new.

Despite the work that still needs to be done on Deviltree, on Nearly Human, and on Sometimes a Dragon.  (As well as getting Star Axe and Snowcastles ready, and Icetowers.)

 I shouldn't lose this momentum.

So no matter what, it's time to get a new book going.

It's not like the world is waiting.  I've got two books out there right now that no one is paying the slightest attention to.

I'm beginning to believe that Sometimes a Dragon may be something new -- a book that I like that no on else does, but which I don't want to change.  That is, I like it the way it is, even if no one else does.

Which is perfect for the internet, when you think about it.  But you have to take a stand sometimes, I think.  And I think Sometimes a Dragon just has too many weird elements to catch on, but it's the weird elements I like.

So I will accept the current judgment and await future developments...

Another word for freedom, is nothing left to lose.