Distracted, daydreaming and handicapped.

Writing a novel is extraordinarily disruptive to a normal life.

At least the way I write a novel. At least in so far as my life is normal.

It's pretty much all I've been doing, 24/7. My sleep cycle is off, my eating cycle -- what eating cycle? Forget exercise, forget diet. I've watched no T.V., no movies, read no books.

For weeks now.

It's all I can write about on this blog, because it's all I've been doing.

It's disruptive and self-absorbed and all-consuming. It's only as I've been writing this novel, that I've come to remember how I used to write back in the day. The kind of fiction writing I've been doing for the last couple of years until now was more like doodling -- compared to this.

But it seems to be what it takes. A totally immersive experience. Either I'm writing, or I'm thinking about writing. Even those moments when I'm choosing not to write are strategic rests so that I can go back to writing.

So it takes a life-style that doesn't ask much from you. No friends or family. No responsibilities.

Last week I realized I hadn't sent off the usual week's check to my supplier. Then I realized that one of my earlier checks hadn't arrived -- it came back yesterday with "Insufficient Address" stamped on it.

It's like I've had a normal life lobotomy. I just seem to let absolutely everything slide.

My yard is overgrown. My taxes are waiting to be done. The repairs to the house that I'd hoped to get done before winter are undone.

It's a selfish activity, writing.

And for what? The long odds of being published?? For the likely pittance I might be paid even if I am published? (You should see the number of novels I sift through at the clearance houses -- these are good books, some of which I've read...discarded and disregarded.)

So what it has made me realize is -- I made the right decision to put writing on the back-burner 30 years ago.

Hell, I made the only decision I could make.

I can choose to write now, but I'm going to have to be conscious that I'm walking through my "normal" life distracted, daydreaming, and handicapped.

Not to mention boringly maniacally obsessive/compulsive. Sorry about that.