Envy.

Boy do I feel it, all the time, at the success of other writers.  No one else ever talks about it, so maybe I'm the only one.

But I take a step back, a deep breath, I think about it, and I try to subdue it.

Linda says, "I like it when you're successful."

"Yeah, but you're a better person than me."

Much like when I get new competition for my store, I have to appeal to both reason and my better nature. Being competitive in the sense of doing my best, trying to learn from the other guy, and responding to their challenges -- that's good.  Being pissed off about it, or trying to 'crush' the competition (which is my first reaction) is bad.

One of Ragnarok's writers, Steve Diamond, is doing very well on Amazon with the book Residue.  

Envy, at first.  Then delight for him.  And then third, the idea that what's good for a Ragnarok author is good for Ragnarok and what's good for Ragnarok is good for me.

I've become much less judgmental about other writers, at the end of the day.  Not only do I fight my envy, but I've become much more tolerant.  Everyone is doing their best.  I'm not going to judge them.

I watch what I say.  I would never post a negative review.  I know how fucking hard this is.

It isn't a zero sum game, this writing.  Their success does not keep me from doing my best.

There are so many factors, that envy simply doesn't enter into it.

What will be will be for reasons beyond what I feel.  So that little burst of envy I allow to exist -- not like I could deny it -- and then I let it subside, and let both reason and mature nature take hold instead. 

Good for you guys.  Good for you, Stephen King and Dean Koontz.  Good for you everyone who is ahead of me in the rankings.

I know how you must feel.  Or I would like to...