If I keep writing, I should be better in five years.

Should I continue to write even if no one will ever read it?

I think I should. I may get good someday. I can keep trying. Maybe someone will discover me.

Besides, I think it's good for me, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. I tend to sit around all day and do nothing meaningful if I'm not writing. There is nothing wrong with flexing my creative muscles. All I can do it try to get better.

I'm boxed in at the store. Nothing more I can do without throwing everything into chaos and danger, and at this point -- me being 59 and Linda being 63, I don't see the point of that. I think I need to play out the string. Keep it going. Not try to fix what isn't broken. It's earning us a living, after all these years, and I'm thankful.

But I also take lots of time off. And if I'm going to take lots of time off, I should try to write. I had some success once, and people may put it down, but it's more than they have accomplished.

What surprises me the most, is that I'm only marginally better than when I broke off writing. I may be a bit more mature in my approach, and I've had a few more life experiences, but essentially, my creative depth is about the same, my fictional skills are about the same.

Which actually, when I think about it, isn't all that surprising. I feel pretty much the same inside -- still feel 30 years old, which the same level of creativity.

So I need to pick up the learning curve again. And hope that I can improve dramatically if I do it full time for awhile. I learned an awful lot in the 10 years that I was trying to be a writer the first time. I can probably learn just as much in the next 10 years, if I apply myself.

The first book, actually, I flailed around for a few years, just learning basics, and even 4 years in, I was still going down wrong paths, and finally put together a reading copy about 5 years in. I was learning exponentially.

The next 5 years I also was learning, and making lots of missteps, but simply through the act of writing 6 more books, I learned some things.

In the last 25 years, I've only tinkered with writing. I've thought about what I would need to do the next time I tried to write.

But I'm still somewhat surprised that my skill level isn't much higher than before. My work habits are a bit better. But my creativity isn't that enhanced, nor is my basic fiction writing skill level.

Sure, I've written a blog for 6 years, but that it like having a conversation.

So the way I'm going to look at this is -- it isn't so important what my writing skill level is now. I'll do my best. But I have to hope that if I apply myself, I'll get better. So the question if, how much better can I be in 5 years? In 10 years?

I had to take those 25 years off from writing to make a living. Now I can go back to trying to be a writer.

I need to continue to write through the doubts. I remember when almost no one thought I could do it, finish a book, much less publish one. I kept forging ahead, with less evidence of potential than I have now. Sure, I was young and stupid and what I didn't know didn't hurt me -- but I'm more financially secure now and I'm still feeling the urge to create.

I still feel like I have an epic fantasy still inside me. What I'm writing nowadays is helping me prepare.