The Retro Store.

Welcome to the Retro Bookstore.

**When the Apocalypse comes, everything here will still work!

**Batteries not included. Electricity not needed.

**Big Brother can't find us.

**You want beeping lights? You want electronic squiggles? You want synthesizer sounds? Go somewhere else.

**Ask me a question about my product. Go ahead. I may actually know the answer, because you know, like, this is my bookstore and I love books and I selected the books in here.

**No, sir. We only have one. Which means you'll be the only one to have it.

**That does not compute. No really, it doesn't compute.

**The only sound you'll hear is nature.

**You want me to look it up to see if I have it in stock? Let's see. I could sit down, turn on my computer, go to the proper site, type in the information, and wait for it to give me an answer.

Or....I can walk ten paces and look. I think I can walk ten paces. Yeah, I can do that.

**Yes, sir. I have read that book.

**So you think the author's name starts with an H, and he writes about Florida? Would that be Carl Hiaasen? Yes, ma'am. You're welcome.

**You know those nerve endings on your fingers? Doesn't that feel good to caress paper, and turn the page, and fold over the page when you're done reading?

**Suitable for bathtubs.

**"Hey, Uncle Dunc. I see you read Game of Thrones...did you like it? "

"Loved it. See that book next to it, The Stand by Stephen King, that's great too."

**Suitable for beaches. Just drop your backpack anywhere, over on those rocks. Got sand in it? Just brush it off.

**"I could swear I bought 1984 and Animal House the other day. Oh, there it is. On my shelf."

**State of the Art.

**Never needs updating.

**"What do you mean I spent 250.00 on an e-reader and there's a new one out that does more for half that price?!"

**Never needs rebooting.

**Same words today...same words yesterday...same words tomorrow.

**Suitable for river rafting. Oh, dear, we dunked it. Soggy, but readable.

**Wait, no. It's falling apart. Oh, well. It cost me 4.00 (or 7.99 or 15.00 or 25.00)

**What is that smell? Smells like burning plastic.

**No danger of electrocution.

**What is that smell? Love it. Reminds me of a library.

**"Wait a minute. Didn't he write something different on page 45? Let's see. Yeah, he got the name wrong...."

**You want to borrow it? Go ahead, take it away.

**Wow. Neat cover. Never heard of it. I think I'll give it a try.


Any others? I came up with these in about an hour, and I figure there's a lot more to say.