Fitbitten

One of my little rebellions against the modern world is to not complicate my life with technology.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not proud of my ignorance. It bothers me, but I knew that if I tried to let just one more little subculture into my brain my head would splatter all over the walls and I'd fall to the ground with the top half of my skull gone and steam pouring out. 

I decided early on at the store that I had enough to keep up with in comics, books, boardgames, toys, and pop culture in general. So electronic games were left out. I have no idea what people are talking about with those types of games. It's a world of jargon. (Probably the same kind of jargon that I utilize without thinking about the above nerd subjects that the average citizen is a at a loss.) When I go on Reddit, a high percentage of posts are about electronic games, sometimes I'm not sure what's going on and then suddenly, ding, ding, ding! I think, "Oh."

(Other subjects, that seem particularly common among my confederates in the horror community, are martial arts, heavy metal, and the finer points of horror movies. Totally at a loss. I feel fortunate that my efforts were somewhat accepted there, even if I am a little behind. )

I got a point of sale system for the store but when I found out there wasn't a universal code and half my store would have to be entered by hand, I thought, fuck it, and I'm still using the same old cash register I bought 30 years ago. I'm comfortable with it, like an old shoe.

Whenever I've tried to use a program to keep track of sales trajectories and such, I've found them too specific and misleading. I still buy on instinct and gut.

When I used to go to my accountant to leave off the employee taxes records, I'd haul out a beat up notebook I've had for 20 years and Cheryl would laugh. She thought that was weirdly charming.

I've been dragged kicking and screaming every step of the way. I held off getting even a computer for  long time.

I just want my life simple.

Of course, the computer has been HUGELY helpful to my business and to my writing and really, in the form of social media, to my life. Enough to know that there are probably tons of apps and programs that would be helpful, (and just learning more about the programs I do use such as Word would be even more helpful.)

Still, I resist. My instincts are Luddite, while my brain says, "You're a damn fool."

But, well, my computer game is Solitaire. I have cable, all the bells and whistles of cable, but I only have Netflex and cable and none of the others.

My phone is a phone.

I blog almost every day. Just words, nothing else. About as basic a site as I can get.

I read physical books, I stay away from most things that distract me from what I like to do--which is reading and writing and watching media. And walking in the woods.

Linda is always grabbing an apple from the Garden of Eden and presenting it to me.

A few years ago I casually allowed as to how having a cell phone might be useful, and a day latter she plopped an iPhone in front of me. And so it goes.

But mostly, I avoid any complication. When I hear other older type people say that, I can barely keep from rolling my own eyes. I know it's stupid. I can't tell you the number of hopeful writers I've told to just go on Amazon and publish their own books and they stare at me with that look in their eyes like the whole concept is just too overwhelming to endure.

"But it's easy!" I explain.

I hate being that guy who objects to something that's easy.

But...I still just avoid everything I can for my simple little things.

I've avoided all apps.

Until a couple of days ago...

Linda got me a Fitbit.

Really, all it's doing for me is showing me how many steps I'm walking. I can buy a cheap little clicker to keep track of that. It also shows me my sleep patterns, which is interesting, but I've already figured out my best sleep cycle.

I've worn the same Seiko watch for 30 years. I feel like a traitor putting it in a drawer; yes, I've anthropomorphized my watch.

Here's the thing. Just now, the Fitbit buzzed on my wrist. "Get up and walk!" it admonishes me.

YOU AREN'T MY BOSS! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

I for one, do not welcome my robot overlords.