Closing my eyes.

JOURNAL;  5/3/13.

My subconscious is hung up on this book being accepted.  While my conscious acknowledges and recognizes that the chances are slim to none.  So all I'm doing is setting up my emotional network for a huge letdown.  But it doesn't matter what I say to myself, I still do it.

I've even come up with an involved scenario where being rejected is good: it allows me to keep writing until I get better.  So I tell myself.

But of course, I want to be published.  And I suspect I don't have the patience or the willingness to turn down any possible step forward.

Because I know that's all it would be even in the unlikely event that it gets accepted.

I could think, no news is good news.  But the other side of that, of course, is no news it because they don't care.

And under that and more important than that, is that it really hasn't been much time.

I'm thinking I should probably quit checking email for the next five days.  Finish the book, then check.  If I'm finished, it would be pretty hard to take that back.

I'm giving myself till the 20th of the month to do rewrites.  I'll just dip in every night and do a few chapters, at random.  Draw out a timeline and try to fix that.  Just overall try to improve the book.  Giving it a couple of weeks of rewrites is more than I usually do, and even then -- I plan to do another rewrite or two after I get it back from Lara.

Patience and hardwork are going to get me there.  Good work habits.

Whatever imagination I have burnished by learned skills and practice.