Bugging out.

I've come down with some odd bug. Started as a little bit of a sore throat, followed by a total lack of energy. Slept until 9:30 this morning, which is two hours longer than normal and almost never happens anymore.

Linda always says, I get sick when I see an opportunity to remove myself from the wurly burly, and give myself an excuse to slack.

Not that I haven't been slacking. I've taken as much time off as I can. Funny how people always tell me to take more time off -- until I do. And then, it's "You're never here anymore!"



Finished off a book last night, "Peace War", Joe Haldeman, which is a not quite sequel to the classic "Forever War."

Funny thing about S.F. people -- they really like the idea of a melding consciousness, of humanity all becoming one.

For instance, the classic "Childhood's End" by Arthur C. Clarke.

Frankly, the idea gives me the willies. In Peace War, I was identifying with the bad guys who were trying to keep it from happening. The plot was stacked, though, because becoming part of the Humanistic Herd was the only way from keeping the End of the Universe from happening.

It's interesting to me that good old individualistic nerdtypes seem to really get off on the idea.
(Also, it's collarary, a community of high minded scientists that will save the globe through their superior intellect and moral values.)

I think there is an element of Revenge of the Nerds here. But also, they just really seem to get into each others companionship. Despite being a huge S.F. and Fantasy reader, I've never been comfortable with the any of the nerdfests I've been to, whether it was a S.F. convention, or a comic convention, or a Society for Creative Anacronisms.

I don't mean I don't think it's kind of cool. I'm not looking down at the geeks. But I feel like a nerd among nerds, unable to let my freak flag fly. It always looks a little too incestuous to me -- like watching the "Glee" kids in high school trying a little too hard to have fun.

I can understand how nerdy types want to find other nerdy types -- I just don't necessarily want to do it myself. Too much of a weird mirror, maybe. Or maybe I'm not nerdy enough -- I've always had lots of interests and read all kinds of books. Seems a little unseemly to be stuck on one subject -- a little too autistic.

Besides, I prefer to blend into the crowd, not be the weird one. (Maybe because, I've always felt like the odd one no matter how much I try to be otherwise. And there was that time in my life, about 40 years ago now, that I completely self-conscious that my life wasn't going right and desired above all else to be normal again.)

Probably, in the end, I just like my time to myself, and don't really want to spend a bunch of time dressing up. Just not a Joiner, whether it's Octoberfest downtown, or the latest comic retailers conclave.

On the other hand, I do kind of like the online community, to a certain extent. A "familiarity at a distance" is what I call it. I get to express myself, without actually having to put myself out there. I like knowing that I 'know' a certain number of people through this blog.

So maybe I'm not all that different after all.