23 pages again of editing on "Fires of the Djinn." Took all day.

No comment.

One thing I'm noticing. The more I rewrite, the less confident I am about my abilities. Makes a certain sense. After all, I'm seeing everything I did wrong. I try to fix it, but I don't quite get the "perfect" combination of words, mostly all I've done is improved them, sometimes only slightly. It's even possible that I'm taking two steps forward and three steps back. It's uncertain.

When I'm writing my first draft, I'm usually feeling pretty good. My imagination is taking concrete form. What I'm putting down on the page seems good.

But once I open up the process to criticism,  that good feeling starts to dissipate.

I'm being careful to try not to overdo it. I think a "light" touch is a good approach because I know from past experience that sometimes rewriting doesn't liberate the words but stifles them. I focus on being clearer, sharper, adding detail. I'm pretty sure overall that it's an improvement.

As I've mentioned before, this is for the reader not me. I'm trying to connect the story in my head to the reader in a form they'll understand better.

I'm probably just being too tough on myself. Linda says not to second-guess myself, but that's the thing about rewriting. By definition it's second-guessing.

I think there is also the fear of mucking it up.

I'm going to spend more time on the rewrite than I did on the original draft. It's a chore. Like vacuuming the house. It's not something I'm eager to do, but it cleans up the space, makes it more pleasant to live in.

Each little session, I have to resort to self-discipline, and I'm a lazy bastard.  Since I can only do about five pages per session, I have to screw up my self-discipline later in the day for the next five pages, and then do it again. I wear myself out on the self-discipline, therefore I'm giving myself time to fail. I procrastinate like crazy.

Time is the only thing I have to offer.

Today--"Hey, Linda! Let's go see Rogue One!"

But then,  I have four hours before I leave, room for a couple of 5 page sessions.  So I'm sitting here at the computer writing this rather than rewriting.



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