The Seaslugs vs the Pattywankers.

I'm not anti-sport, I've just sort of drifted away from it.  My experience with sports cards kind of soured me, made me cynical.

But if I have a sport, it's football.  Dad watched every game he could, and what Dad watched is what we watched.  (Those were the days.)

Anyway, I watched football until the last decade or so.  I'm old enough to have seen a lot of legendary games.  The Snow Bowl, Unitas versus Namath, and so on.

I have a weird resentment against the Seahawks, because back when we'd only get a couple of games a week, we in Bend would ALWAYS get the Seaslugs, not matter what other game was on.  It was like the networks had decided that Washington and Oregon were all one big state.

I stopped watching the Ducks not because I didn't care (I'm a U of O alumnus) but because I cared too much.  I'd channel change and see how they were doing and if they were safely ahead, I'd watch.  Pretty cowardly, I know. Also superstitious.

Anyway, whenever I watch a pro game, I'm struck again about the constant chest-thumping and slow pace.  Just bugs me.  Hey, if you gained 3 yards, you FAILED!  Don't fucking celebrate.

I'm going to handle the Super Bowl the way I do the Oscars.

Tape them and fast forward through them in about 1/4th the time.

It's harder with the Oscars, because I have to confer with Linda every time I fast-forward.  With the Super Bowl, I can zap through all by myself....