Just a magic pill for creativity.

In talking about the creative process of writing my book, I'm told in an anonymous comment:

"Smoke some pot boyz, your creativity will improve..."

Which happened to mesh with what I've been thinking about.

First off, me and pot don't mix well. I tend to get rather paranoid, and not very motivated. Plus, if I remember from my high school days, the "creativity" was rather over-rated. I remember waking up the next day seeking out my written down "profound" thoughts, and finding the word: "Cheese." Or something like that.

Plus, it's illegal. And I tend to be a bit of a stick in the mud about that.

Still --- I sometimes think I'm just, sooooo close to getting my fiction right. That I just need one more boost.

I wish for a 'performance enhancer." Much like I imagine an athlete does.

I hate drugs. O.K.? But what it - what if - you had a one half hour length of time that could make you millions? (Jeopardy, a job interview, a stock market manipulation) and you knew by taking a powerful drug you could ace it?

Of course, it wouldn't work that way. You'd be so screwed up from a drug you'd never taken before, that it probably wouldn't work. And if you took it enough to to get used to it, it becomes it's own problem. Something like that.

But you can see the temptation.

Alcohol used to be a pretty good help to me, in writing. Sometimes, just sitting down with a beer or two, I could write for hours. Sometimes, after half a bottle of wine, my mind was just spinning out ideas. But I'm noticing that -- 25 years later -- it doesn't seem to work the same way. (I rarely drink, anymore -- the cost the next day is higher than the benefit of the moment.)

Now, I just get sleepy. Or I feel bloated. Or....nothing happens, and I'm sitting there wondering, "Why did I just do that?"

But I still wish for a magic pill. Not so much for creativity, really, but for performance. The actual nuts and bolts of getting that creative image on page. Which is -- well, writing.

But then I ask myself -- what do I prove, if I do that? Wouldn't it be better for my self image to write the book with my own resources?

If it isn't good enough, at least I tried.

In the end, it's just me and a blank page. No magic pills. No magic formula. No Santa's Little Helper.

It's all up to me.