I am down to my last $100, so I buy a cheap rope and a tarp and wrap them in a circle around some trees by the side of the highway. Then I scrounge up some cardboard boxes and sawdust and go to the local animal shelters and adopt the five guinea pigs as they have. I buy three more for $10 each, for a total of eight. I pull a couple wilted heads of lettuce out of a dumpster.
I cut out the side of one of the boxes and scrawl on it:
"Step Right Up! Come one, come all! A herd of guinea pigs in their natural habitat! Watch their amazing antics! Yes, sir and ma'am, come gaze upon the natural wonder of the guinea pigs. Watch them perform amazing tricks.
"Your satisfaction guaranteed! Only a dollar, folks. One dollar is all it takes! You can't lose! One dollar, guaranteed!"
Then I sit back at the entrance and wait.
A family of five comes and hands me $5. I lift the flap and let them in, meanwhile going to the box with the lettuce in it and taking out a couple of leaves. The guinea pigs squeal because they know the lifting of the lid means food.
The family stands there for a few moments.
"So what sort of tricks do they do?"
"Oh, they eat and they shit. That's what guinea pigs do."
The family looks at each other and shuffle along and I know they're too embarrassed to ask for their money back. They leave and another car drives up.
There the dream ends, but I'm sure I was well on my way to great riches.
(Enough to pay off all the lawsuits from salmonella and biting pigs.)
1 comment:
In my dream, it's more a joke than a con.
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