Four months of not writing.

I just can't seem to get going. First the holidays, then the snows, then my health issue, then the traveling. Dieting can seem like a full time job.

But none of these would have stopped me a few years ago.

I don't think it's a bad thing to take stock. If I need to make changes then a hiatus is necessary. That's the only time I can really institute a change in habits--get away from the activity long enough that when I come back to it, it's an examined restart.

I'm not sure I've come to any conclusions. I know that I can write books. But they are all pretty consistent in quality--that is, there is a level at which I write which seems to be my level. Is there any way to up my game? Do I need to?

Is it all pointless unless I can develop a community of readers? I mean, I get readers one at a time, but there is no consistent effort to nurture them. I can't seem to do that. I'm not sure I want to.

Therefore I am completely dependent on something happening to put my books on a wider platform. The difference between what happened to "Deadfall Ridge" and the next book, "Fateplay," is startling.

And "Fateplay" may be my favorite book!

In other words, just writing books isn't enough.

Of course, I've known this from the start. I was just hoping for some lucky breaks. But I don't think that happens often--I think it takes a full-time effort.

I used to remonstrate with people who thought they could do a small business as a "sideline." What makes people think they can succeed or even survive unless they put in a full effort?

Well, the same thing can be said for writing. Books don't sell themselves. But damn, I look at that mountain I need to climb and shudder. I like writing, but I have never been comfortable with the process of promoting.

Once again I liken it to sports cards. (I learned a lot of hard lessons with sports cards.)

They required a full effort all the time. I had to carry all the card brands, all the ways you could buy them (singles, sets, packs, boxes.) I had to be up on current pricing, which changed every day. I had to be competitive, even when it seems like that didn't produce profits. I had to buy and trade and sell cards with difficult customers. I had to be aware of sports events, watch the games, watch the sport channel wrapups every night. I had to carry all the various supplies, whether they sold fast or not. It was intensive and pressure-filled and neverending.

The moment--the very moment--I stepped back even the slightest, it started to fray and fall apart, and it quickly become evident I had to be all in or not at all.

So I let it go. It took five years to completely extricate myself--but I'll always remember the day in 1997 when a customer complained about my service and I blurted, "I'm sorry, but I'm not a sports card shop." Wow. The relief that came over me at that moment.

When "Deadfall Ridge" was chosen for a BookBub promotion, I started to research the phenomenon, and listening to a couple of writers on a podcast made it clear that the same sort of intensive effort was necessary for writers to get noticed.

It exhausted me just listening to them. But it became clear that I need to be all in on promotion efforts-- or not at all. No middle ground, really.

But here's the deeper lesson I learned from sports cards. If it takes every minute of every day to make it worthwhile, it's probably a good idea to let it go. Get on with your life. Do things that work but don't give you a nervous breakdown.

So when I go back to writing, I'll know that it's really something I do because I like it.

And, you know, I can maintain the illusion I'll get lucky.