Wednesday, December 5, 2018

I hate writing, I love having written.

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

Dorothy Parker

I don't actually completely agree with this. I like writing, but I do love "Having Written."

Linda is on book four of my Tuskers series. She turned to me and said, "I'm glad Paco is alive. I thought he was dead."

That got me to thinking about the complexity of this world I created. I'm amazed. It's a weird feeling of "I Did That!"

So I don't know if this is egotistical of me, but I'm impressed by what I've done. I mean, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or what kind of reviews I get, or how many I sell--I'm amazed that they came out as well as they did.

What I'm saying is--these books are better than I thought I could do. I had a jaundiced view of my abilities. I still do. I still think I could do so much better. I read other writers and think, "I could never do that."

But I measure this view of my writing with what is actually out there and I think, "Well, that turned out better than I expected."

It's more a matter of "I finished this Marathon at a faster pace than I expected," than "I won the Marathon!"'

I reached my goal and exceeded it.

When I wrote my first three books, I could never read them without seeing all the flaws. Now I read one of my books and think, "Hey, not bad." I see small things I would change, but mostly I think they came out the way I wanted.

My books being judged for the quality of "The way I wanted" is different than being judged for a book that isn't "The way I wanted," if that makes sense. 

I'm at a point where I've written so much, I'm starting to rest on my laurels, which is probably a dangerous place.

But it does spur me to try to think more about the next book, what I can do to improve.

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