Monday, July 9, 2012

Agoraphobia and NEWSROOM

The show NEWSROOM had the first realistic depiction of a panic attack I've ever seen on T.V. or in the movies, last night. One of the characters rushes out of a meeting and runs up to the roof to hide and recover. Her roommates friends have absconded with all her Xanax.

Anyway, I thought it was interestingly handled, as a response to stress that can be dealt with properly. That the character is an effective worker, who occasionally has a problem.

And the Xanax.

I always carry a pill with me, just in case. I haven't had to resort to it very often. I suspect, actually, I don't resort to the pills often enough. I'm conscious that it could become an issue.

But just having them available has been a huge help. It seems to short-circuit the beginnings of the problem to know that I have a solution to the problem. A placebo effect without even taking the placebo.

I've mentioned before I suffered from depression in my 20's. It's been about 35 years since I went off the major medication.

But there was one holdover, and that was my agoraphobia. I fought through it. Just going into Pegasus Books the first time and meeting the owner was a real challenge. Going to writer's group. Both activities have led to both a personal life (I met Linda at writer's group) and my working life (hired to work at Pegasus and 4 years later, buying the place.)

Here's the thing I'll always remember though. I just thought I was generally crazy until:

I read an article.

Yes, in all my voluminous and almost addictive reading, I stumbled across an article about agoraphobia and realized what I had. An, 'ah hah!' moment. This was at least 10 years after I suffered my first panic attack.

Neither of the shrinks who treated me for depression ever diagnosed it: I'm sure it was all tangled up in my other neuroses...heh.

Just knowing what it was, was a huge huge relief. I read up on the condition, and started treating myself. Not aggressively, by any means. But slowly, very very slowly, I attempted more and more social interaction, venturing out of my safe zone ONLY when I felt I wouldn't have a panic attack.

The theory being, the more marketplace interactions I had without a panic attack the more credit I accrued in my emotional bank.

But I had a safe platform from which to venture. I owned my own store, I had a very supportive wife and family. I did it extremely slowly -- you might even say, over a 20 to 30 year period of saying NO to most things, and occasionally saying YES.

It was about a decade ago, that I asked my general practitioner about Xanax, which I had read was a "magic" pill for the condition. I was all ready to argue that "I didn't care what caused it" and "I didn't want to see a shrink" and so on, but he readily agreed.

It's been a huge help, and I'm almost at a stage of believing that the actual phobia is gone -- that what I've got is just your everyday social anxiety, which Xanax smooths over.

My latest Doctor actually did start to ask about "what caused it" and I rather harshly said, "It doesn't matter -- it has to do with depression and drugs from 30 years ago, and I've been all through that -- the pills WORK and that's that." She, maybe a little reluctantly, let it drop. I suspect, at this point in my life, I probably know more about the condition than she does...That it's situational, and that I don't need Freudian analysis to figure out what's going on.

Anyway, it was nice to see a non-pejorative, non-judgmental depiction of the condition.


Now, about NEWSROOM.

It's red meat for liberals. I cheer every scene.

The first episode was great, the second episode was cringe-worthingly bad, and the third episode was pretty good. I don't much like the flibbertigibbet female characters in their relations to the men.

Other than that, I'm eating it up.

5 comments:

H. Bruce Miller said...

By "Newsnight" do you mean "The Newsroom"? I love that show, although you're right about female characters acting too much like airheads.

Re anxiety: Prozac is a very effective anti-anxioltyic for many people. I tried it once (for depression) but had to quit it because it made me feel tired all the time. But before I quit, aside from the fatigue, I was feeling terrific.

Duncan McGeary said...

"Doh!"

I wasn't sure about the title and looked it up and found Newsnight -- but of course that was a different show.

Have corrected.


Prozac is something I'd have to take all the time. I don't resort to the Xanax very often -- weeks, months can go by without needing it.

It's situational, like I said, and minimally used.

But a huge relief.

Duncan McGeary said...

Oh, the general social anxiety?

I think that's just being a private person, a 5, a introvert, a loner, a INTJ.

Just normal.

Leitmotiv said...

I can't comment on the anxiety, but as for depression in late childhood or early adulthood, that typically balances itself out and is of no concern later in life. Usually.

H. Bruce Miller said...

One of the characters in the last episode of "The Newsroom" had a panic attack and had forgotten her Xanax. I thought of you.