Reeking of burnout.

Watched a documentary about Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young last night. By the end, they smelled of burnout and over-the-hill.

I've run into this a lot with creatives; people who had entire careers, usually starting off with a bang (or they wouldn't have a career, I guess.) Then they struggle, then they come back--in a lessor more subdued sort of way, often resting on their prior success. I know that's just the way the story is shaped, but there is no disguising that in most cases, these creatives have more or less given up by the time they reach my age.

When I came back to writing, I was charged up and optimistic. It was as if I simply picked up the thread that my 32 year old self had dropped. I still feel that way. I don't feel like this is the end of the line, but more toward the beginning.

I'm more mature in how I handle it. (My work habits were completely dysfunctional in my earlier efforts.) But the creativity--if anything--is greater, not lesser. I have more freedom. I have nothing to lose.

I'm glad now that I chose the path of being a bookstore owner, instead of trying to make a writing career work. When I finally had time to write, I came back with renewed energy, and I wasn't dependent on it, or expecting too much of it. Just the premise that I could improve each time, that one of these days I could put it all together and write the "great" book.

I'm actually sort of impressed that the books came out as well as they did. "Led to the Slaughter" is a pretty good book, even if it was my first book out this time. I put the time and effort in, and I can look back and be pleased.

I'm taking a break from writing. I plan to come back with a stronger focus. But none of my enthusiasm has dissipated. No chance of burnout that I can see. My actual age isn't a factor, as far as I can tell.

This still happening.

"I hate writing; I love having written."

The most impressive thing about BookBub is that it seems to have legs. After a slow start, the sales of "Deadfall Ridge" have been picking up in the USA, though it wasn't promoted here. The price is probably the main attraction. I actually made more money in the 8 days before the promotion with 85% less sales, than in the last 20 days at the discount.

So the whole point of the promotion, I guess, is exposure. Hoping that people will try my other books. There does seem to be a bit of that, but not nearly enough to pay for the promotion. So I have to hope that the promotion worked on the "international" market. Sadly, there don't seem to be legs there. Got only about a week worth of boost. Weird.

A professional writer is never supposed to say this, but at this point I'm more interested in readers than in sales. (Then again, to me a professional writer makes their living from their writing--and I'm far from that. I did pass a milestone lately that seems significant to me; a mark that says I haven't just wasted my time.)

A friend of mine pitched my Virginia Reed stories to a comic company. (An up and coming company who is doing interesting work.) He said they seemed interested. Not going to get excited by it; just bringing it up to say, You Never Can Tell.

Still not writing. Having a hard time getting going on the rewrite of "Eden's Return." I've only gotten through 50% after three months. I'm just resting on my laurels.

Dorothy Parker quote: “I hate writing; I love having written.”  

That sounds about right.

If something works....

This is the nonsense I'm up against all the time in ordering.The second cover is actually of a book that came out before the first cover, but the Tattooist of Auschwitz was a major bestseller, so the publisher goes back to press with a copycat cover. (the original cover is completely different.) This happens all the time. It even confuses readers, who often ask for the wrong thing.

Is there no pride?

I think, maybe, in publishing there isn't.

Re-engaged--and overspending.

I've always bought what the store needed, whether I could afford it or not. I've always pushed it to the brink of a budget and beyond. I've always pushed as much leverage into the store as I could get.

So it's always worked out in the end--after much stress. I do mean, the end--maybe years after I put us into debt.

I used to think what I needed was a CFO, who could control the checkbook and impose spending limits. I mentioned it to Linda, but she quite rightly realized that I would just wheedle and bully until I got what I wanted anyway.

While I was off writing, the store was out of sight, out of mind. As long as it was functioning, I was leaving it alone. Even better, I gave Sabrina the power to order comics, graphic novels, and games, and gave her a target budget. Which she stuck to.

But now I'm back and engaged, and I'm tending toward my old bad habits. 

For example. I decided we needed journals, so I figured out a way to display them, and then ordered a bunch.

But the truth is--we don't NEED journals, I just wanted them. I ordered over 50 of them, but there was a hiccup in the credit process--thank goodness--and I had a chance to back away. I then ordered 20 journals. From there, I can gauge what kind of journals sell and what kind don't. I'll order a couple of new journals per week until I get to the proper level.

On the good side, it forced me to remove two shelves that simply weren't working (Robots and Futurism) and replace them with something that people are always requesting.

Last month I thought I'd spent X amount on new books. Turned out, I'd spent X + 40%. So overspending by 10%, that's manageable. Overspending by 40%--that will get us in trouble quickly.

Basically, it's time to set a budget for new books, and stick with it. Period. I'll be 67 years old in 16 days, so I'm an adult now. I should act like one. 

Blending my own stubborn tastes with what will sell.

I'm finally bringing in more journals. I get asked for them all the time, but the journals I've had up to now haven't been what people are looking for.

I made a ginormous order a couple days ago, (over 50 journals), then had second thoughts. 20 journals ought to be enough to give me a hint about what will sell.

Journals are a lot like posters and t-shirts. Often, what I think will sell--based on my own tastes--don't. Stuff I think sucks, do.

I remember a godawful t-shirt I once got in. Florescent puke-green color. It sold within a day. Meanwhile, the ultra cool but subtle t-shirts I thought would disappear instantly, stuck around for years.

Posters? I swear, I look at some posters and think, "Why would anyone buy that?" Then the next time I look, they're gone.

So anyway, I'm going with cool designs to start with, and a few fantasy themed. Might not be the right choice, I don't know. But picking a particular "brand" seems kind of iffy to me. I did get an Alice in Wonderland cover (John Tenniel art), but how many people know who the original artist was? When it comes to art, you can be too informed.

People love an artist like Boris Vallejo, for instance, or Alex Ross--but to my mind, they are too slick. Like eating too much candy. I like rougher artists like Frazetta, where you can actually see the paintbrush strokes. There's an artist named Royo who I like, but I like his rough sketches even more.

Oh, well. The market speaks. As usual, I will blend my own stubborn tastes with what I think will sell.

Re-engagement with the real world.

For six years I buried my head in imaginary worlds. For the first couple of years, I barely poked my head back up into reality. Most of my days were spent in a creative fog. Things were left undone, the store was left in other's hands. I rarely spoke to anyone else, except Linda. (Or online.)

I was astonished by how much creative energy I had stored up. I decided to keep writing until it faded.

I wrote almost every day. I published 21 books over that time, some with more fanfare than others. I wrote what I wanted, when I wanted. I had to find publishers, and then find new publishers. I had a unpropitious encounter with a mainstream publisher, reminding me why I wanted to avoid that avenue.

It was all very satisfying. The reviews were mostly good, the sales on a few of the books were all right. I felt like I'd more than accomplished my goal.

In the last year, or so,  I started to slow down. I had several books that needed to be edited. I had a heart attack, and instead of that motivating me, it seemed to do the opposite.

When Dylan went of the college in N.Y., I decided to start working his two days.

Unexpectedly, I'm getting pretty engaged in the workings of Pegasus Books again. Before, when I was just filling in here and there, the store was something I could do and then forget about. Now, suddenly, I'm finding things I want to change. I'm enjoying my interactions with customers.

Yesterday, as I drove into Bend, I realized that I was feeling energized, re-engaged with the business, and with other people. It's as if I went on a long vacation, visited exotic worlds, and now I'm ready to simply engage in everyday transactions.

The luxury of new books.

I can't tell you what a luxury new books are,

First of all, I should say it wouldn't work at all if we didn't have the tourist foot traffic downtown. I'm not sure that locals will ever understand that we've become a real bookstore, along with being a real comic bookstore. But that's all right.

What makes new books different?

They don't become dated--at least, not as quickly as other product. Throughout my history at Pegasus Books we were dependent on product that had a short shelf-life. Comics, sports cards, beanie babies, pokemon, pogs, card games.

It has only been in the last ten or twelve years that we've been able to bring in product that is more evergreen: new books and boardgames.

I probably should add graphic novels, but that status of being perennial sellers grew slowly and was never a sure thing. We now have a twenty year history of graphic novels to draw on, and we can identify which are evergreens, and that's been a huge thing. We could probably survive on comics and graphic novels and card games and toys alone--if we had to.

But we wouldn't thrive. New books and board games have changed the equation for us. When I say that we have a twenty year history of sales on graphic novels to determine evergreen status, that's pretty nice. I'd say we have about a ten year history of sales on board games to draw on, though beyond a few basic games, that's a bit more iffy.

But we have a 400 hundred year history for books! Basically, from Don Quixote on. Millions of books to choose from. I can cherry pick all day long. I have a pretty broad knowledge of books. Once the matrix was in place, everything I learn just slots right in.

Because of that knowledge, for instance, I can scan lists of books--which all look good--and figure out which ones are likely to sell in my store.

Recently I've finally made the jump into ordering the current week's bestsellers. I think it was probably just as well that I waited until now, because I just wouldn't have had enough experience to figure it out. New bestsellers are iffy, without the luxury of a sales history, so I'm dependent on reviews and word of mouth, which like all promotional activities, is unreliable.

Fortunately, even if the new book doesn't have a history, the author usually does, or the new book is part of a series. (Yes, just like movies and TV, sequels are the bread and butter.)

So far, I haven't been returning books. It seems like a huge hassle, but I can foresee a time down the road where I'm might need to do it, if sales keep increasing.

As usual, the biggest problem is lack of space, but I'll just keep trying to be ergonomically clever, because my location is what makes everything else work.

So new books have proven to be beneficial, and I'm having great fun with them.